My Sick Mind

Partly because today was a big sports day in the area and partly because I have no social life, I chose to spend the better part of the day in front of the TV watching sports. The Phillies were in Milwaukee, finally ending the playoff series that would send them into the League Championship Series on Thursday. I'll be there, which beats watching it on television, although I'll have to come to grips with the $80 ticket price. I try not to think about that part. During the game, in addition to the numerous Frank TV commercials, there's one for Dish TV (no relation) that features a scene from "Poltergeist," where the kid looks into the white noise on the TV and says, "They're here" and an aged Craig T. Nelson rises from bed to tell us that they really aren't here. At the bottom of the screen, the disclaimer appears: SCENE FROM POLTERGEIST. NOT INTENDED TO DEPICT ACTUAL CABLE VIEWING EXPERIENCE . That's nice. Otherwise, I would have thought th...

If you get outdoors between now and Monday, cast a gaze in the general direction of Philadelphia. You'll see something that looks like a cross between a tornado and a nuclear blast. Is it global warming? A shift in the tectonic plates? No, the Eagles lost today. Not only did they lose, but they lost in such an ignominious way that fans were seen in the stands, gazing dumfoundedly at the sky and wondering, "How did that just happen?" A team with one of the worst offenses in the NFL - the Bears - drove the ball 97 yards with less than two minutes to go and scored the winning touchdown. A team with one of the worst defenses in the NFL - the Bears - held the Eagles to 3 field goals and a touchdown, and followed that with some questionable offensive and defensive calls that Eagles fans are probably filling out weapons permits right now. They're serious. When that hazy cloud hovers over the greater Delaware Valley tomorrow, you know what's going on. Fans around here g...

The road to the playoffs will extend through tomorrow, as the Phils dropped one to the Nationals today and the Mets won. We're back to a dead heat with one game left. I'll be there on Sunday nervously twitching and yes, keeping score. I just checked on StubHub. My seat is worth $295 . I ain't selling. The top price for tickets is $883, with most seats available in the $400 range. I wonder how that kind of thing is legal while prostitution is illegal? I think you're getting screwed either way. So , it's down to the Phillies and Mets for the National League East. Loser goes home. If the Phillies win, the Mets have to lose for the Phils to win outright. If both teams win or lose, it would force a tie-break game on Monday, here. It would be the perfect way to drive another stake into the hearts of Mets fans, but I'd rather them just lose on Sunday. Mostly , we hate the Mets and their fans. It's odd, since the Phillies and Mets were never really good at the sam...

I'm ready for it. On Monday around here, people will be a little more grouchy, a little more irritable and just plain pissed off. Why? It's such a beautiful place to live (they even called it The Garden State), there's farm-fresh food, great entertainment, and taxes are ... oh, well never mind. But it is a nice place most of the time. So what could have people so worked up that their day is ruined? The Eagles lost. They're an American football team. Fans around here bleed green. I used to think it was a stupid thing to say, then I realized that I'm a Phillies fan and I bleed red. Not so stupid now, huh? The local sports talk radio station is going to have to run in extra telephone lines or hire more hosts, because it's going to be ugly around there. The newspaper guys that are prone to criticism will need more space and the local cable outlet's sports rant program will probably get big ratings this week. Sometimes I think that fans around here are in a str...

... I don't get this whole "illegal immigration" debate. If they are illegal, what are we debating? ... I don't get this stem cell bill veto, either. The president vetoed the latest bill , saying that "If this legislation became law, it would compel American taxpayers for the first time in our history to support the deliberate destruction of human embryos." I guess it's not OK for taxpayers to pay to destroy embryos, but it is OK for taxpayers to fund the war in Iraq, where actual walking, talking humans are being destroyed every day. ... I don't understand why automobile drivers in Pennsylvania (and other states) are required by law to wear seat belts, but motorcycle riders are not required to wear helmets. ... I don't understand why it is legal to sell tickets to events on web sites for exorbitant prices, yet so-called "scalpers" outside the actual event are arrested and/or chased off the property by police. Why is there a difference ...

I’m going to miss The King of Queens . Monday was the last show. Sitcoms are dying, and KoQ was still running hot, and they were smart enough to leave before they ran out of steam. Kevin James is very funny, and the supporting cast was great. The show always made me laugh, and Leah Remini is still a hottie. Thank God for DVDs. I am really sick of the banners and junk that run across the TV screen during shows. C.S.I. Next – I know, but I’m watching something else now. You’re watching King of Queens on CBS . I know, I’m watching it. Then, during Seinfeld on TBS, the screen suddenly split in two squares. One was Seinfeld , and the other was an NBA playoff game going on over at TNT. Really. I completely lost control of my TV. Hey – dumbass, if I wanted to watch the game, I wouldn’t be watching Seinfeld . Leave me alone. They don’t do that stuff during commercials, which to me indicates a lack of respect for their viewers. Imagine you’re reading the newspaper and somebody waves anothe...

Just so you’ll know, we are losers here in the greater Philadelphia area. We are reminded on a daily basis by newspapers, television and radio that the losing has reached epic proportions. Never mind that property values are sky-high, the weather has been unseasonably warm and we live in an exciting part of the country where there is an abundance of art, history and entertainment - we are losers. Our sports teams lose, and we lose with them. We are losers by association, or so we are told. The whining has also reached epic proportions, as the “woe is me” refrain has become as old and tired as the losing. The football team that two years ago was near the top of the world is now being subjected to cries of “fire the coach” and “get a new quarterback”. In true chicken or egg fashion, I don’t know whether the fans begat the media or vice versa. Whatever the answer, the local sports media is feeding the frenzy by enabling the loser mentality. This past Sunday on our local Comcast Sp...