I went for bloodwork today. I'm not sure why I was nervous about it, but I was. It barely took 10 minutes for the needle and two vials of my vital fluid and I was out the door. In the meantime, I chatted-it-up with the Technician (nurse?) over my reticence to have needles stuck in me. "I don't even watch on TV when someone is being stuck."
"Me neither, but it's because their technique is bad," she said. "I see them pull the sheath out of the needle with their teeth and I think, 'I don't need your germs all over this thing. It's bad enough that I have Joe Plague to deal with.'"
I said, "Wow, Joe Plague! That was my favorite comic book as a kid," completely copping on the Joe Plague concept. It was at that point that we started developing a film about a Superhero, Joe Plague; who has no real super-powers, but everyone is frightened of him.
If I ever develop a Joe Plague character and produce a play or TV series, I'll have to find the Technician (nurse?) and cut her in on half the profits.
I don't get to the doctor much. Or at least, as much as I should as an over 50-year old male. I need tests and clinical analysis to determine whether or not I need a procedure. In the past 8 years, I have been there exactly 3 times. The last time, they had to go to the basement to retrieve my records because I hadn't been there enough to keep my ...
subscription ... active. If I'm not sick, I don't go. That's my policy. The last two times I went, I had a horrible case of poison ivy and an odd infection on my thumb. Last year I didn't even have a head cold, and if it wasn't for my
bicycle accident last month, I probably wouldn't be there now. So, is it fate or circumstance?
The blood test is like a mid-term exam. Pass it, and you still have a final to take. Fail it, and you can still make up the grade with a good final. So, in a couple of days I'll find out if my lifestyle (I hesitate to call it a life) has been worth the effort. I've been off dairy for 20 years. I put almond milk in my Kashi cereal. I eat veggie sandwiches for lunch. I don't drink carbonated beverages and I exercise enough that a night off is like a vacation. I'm sitting here eating whole grain pretzels, for Pete's sake.
For the three days leading up to it I kept thinking, "How can I cheat this thing?" But the sad part is that I can't. It's a grade that I've earned. Either I'll pass or fail.
I take great pride in being one of the few over-50's who is not taking any prescription medication. I had borderline high blood pressure (130/90) and controlled it on my own with some dietary modifications. My great fear now is that my cholesterol will be high enough for the doctor to suggest one of those modern wonder drugs. I'm not sure I can modify my life(style) enough to make any drastic changes, so I'm hoping that the numbers are good enough for her to say, "Just keep on doing what you're doing."
I think that's all any of us want out of life, eh?