My Sick Mind

Finally ... a headline I can get excited about ... Women Prefer Men Who Look Like Dad Now, I can start getting those 20-year old's to start looking at me. I'm your daddy. Meanwhile, some guys are at Oakmont playing a golf tournament. Something called the U.S. Open, or so I hear. The girls are taking the week off, so I might tune in. This story on Yahoo News talks about the autograph seekers waiting in the hot sun for players to sign stuff. By Wednesday afternoon, some autograph seekers were already posting their goods online. Several white U.S. Open flags, featuring Oakmont's squirrel logo, were selling on eBay with as many as 50 autographs on them. Bids on most started around $199. Pikers. That hat I had autographed at Bulle Rock last week ... you'll pry it from my cold, dead hands. And Paula's pink golf ball -- I might be buried with that baby. On reflection, it was as great a week as I have had watching any sport, and as long as none of them beats up John Daly...

OK, so now he's the kid who the other kids make fun of. Now, they don't even do it behind his back anymore, because they know that he knows he's a dimwit - so why bother sneaking around? WASHINGTON - The queen had the last laugh. Dispensing with protocol briefly at the formal dinner she hosted for President Bush, Queen Elizabeth said, "I wonder whether I should start this toast by saying, 'When I was here in 1776.' " At one point in Monday's South Lawn ceremony, Bush noted that the queen had dined with 10 U.S. presidents and had helped the United States "celebrate its bicentennial in 17 ... ." Bush caught himself and corrected the date to 1976 . This brought loud laughter from many in the invited audience of thousands. A chagrined Bush deadpanned that the queen just "gave me a look that only a mother could give a child." Well, he got the parent/child part right. 'Loud laughter' from a bunch of invited guests who are proba...

What? Have I lost my mind? Yes. The View . Boy, do I wish I was at home during the day so that four old squares could help me shape my opinion on the events taking place in the world. Now that the old lesbian is leaving, whom will they get to replace her? I can only imagine. I hope it will be someone who presumptuously spells a common name oddly, like Elisabeth, or another old-head news anchor or another failed stand-up. Oh wait, they already have one of those. If I felt as though I had to watch this show every day, I would either (a) take up mid-day drinking or (b) find a part-time job pumping gas or mowing lawns. Meanwhile, those tornadoes that ran through Greensburg , Kansas serve to remind me how we should appreciate the fact that we merely reside here, and that events much larger than us have complete control over whether or not we are allowed to stay. People in my part of the world build homes 50 feet from a raging ocean, then complain when a storm washes part of their front po...

After seeing tonight's 60 Minutes program, which led with the interview of President Bush, I now realize that Einstein's definition of insanity is indeed valid: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” Good one, Al. Our president was on the program tonight, and was steadfast in his belief and determined that his course is the right one, regardless of what 68% of Americans think, most of Congress or even the people directly involved. Neither is he concerned that he is unpopular, unloved or disagreeable. When people are not concerned about how others perceive them, it is a sign of something more deeply wrong in their personal behavior. There are TV shows devoted to such behavior. That one on the Style Channel, where family members go into someone's closet and remove all the disgusting clothing that this person has been wearing for years, seemingly oblivious to the stares and ridicule of others. Generally, t...