My Sick Mind

I don't know what it's like in your state, but here in New Jersey we have to register our motor vehicles and renew that registration every year. I for one, don't understand the process, and the fact that I pay $56.50 for the privilege makes me understand it less, if such a thing is possible. I bought my car in 2005 and paid to register it to drive in the state. Since I haven't sold it, why do I have to continue to pay $56.50? I don't know what the registration fee pays for other than the people who the state pays to process my registration fees. It's like bridge tolls that pay for the people to take the tolls. My head is spinning. Now, our federal government is going to spend $13 billion dollars (that's a lot of dollars) to take the census in 2010. Why? To count people that we already know are here? Isn't that what birth and death records are for? In New Jersey, we have to present several forms of identification to prove that we're offici...

So there. I deleted my Twitter account. I realized that I couldn't keep up with constantly updating my life on the Internet. Once a day on here is really too much sometimes. The Twitter thing had gotten to be too much to think about. I feel much better now. Seriously. Anyone I care enough about to Twitter I've already e-mailed or actually (egad) spoken to. Such is life in the 21st Century. Twitter is a service for friends, family and co–workers to communicate and stay connected through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What are you doing? I'm not doing much. Besides, don't you think family, friends and co-workers already communicate? It's a sad state of affairs if we have to rely on the Internet to talk to each other. I guess we do. Speaking of which, I'm this close (holding my fingers a half inch apart) to deleting the Facebook account as well. What it amounts to is that I just don't get it. It's supposed to be this...

Often, I think I'm in the wrong line of work. Pretty much anything other than what I'm doing now, but specifically, the business of telling people things that are discovered by big government or private funding agencies. Like this: WASHINGTON (AFP) - Eating heart-healthy, low-calorie foods and exercising is the key to losing weight regardless of levels of protein, fat or carbohydrates, a new study has found. The research, funded by the National Heart, Lung and Blood Institute (NHLBI) of the National Institutes of Health, seems to argue against blanket use of diets that do not necessarily limit calories but call for eating certain foods such as vegetables or proteins, at the expense of others. To recap: Eating fewer calories than you use will make you lose weight. It's a new study . That's my favorite phrase, "a new study." In a new study funded by the National Institute for New Studies, researchers found that exposing your skin to the sun causes sunburn. A...

Occasionally, the Philadelphia Inquirer has the good sense to publish a letter I've written to them. Lately, an article appeared detailing the staff cuts that are coming to the Philadelphia Museum of Art. It prompted this missive, soon to find the Editorial section: The Philadelphia Art Museum is cutting staff, the Philadelphia Orchestra is having financial troubles and libraries are closing. Meanwhile, the Eagles and Phillies both raised ticket prices and continue to enjoy sold-out crowds. I think that says a lot about society's values, and it's a shame that there isn't a better balance. Keeping things short is a key to having a letter published. I leave the wordiness and verbal festivals to this place. Newspapers are in trouble everywhere, and the two here in Philadelphia have recently declared bankruptcy . I suppose it's because more and more people are getting their news and information from the Internet, but it might also be because newspapers are 75 cents ...

The older I get (every day) the less I understand the fascination with religion. I suppose that translates to an eternity in Hell, which I can't imagine is any worse than what I have on Earth. As I was leaving work tonight, a co-worker blurted out, "You didn't have meat today, did you?" Perplexed, I responded, "Well, I had a salad but it had chicken in it - but it probably wasn't real chicken." At that point, I realized what the point of the question was. Today apparently, was Ash Wednesday - whatever that is. I don't subscribe to the Catholic religion (largely based on guilt) so my conditioning is to do what I want when I want and if necessary, ask forgiveness. That's the point of religion, as I see it. It's a guilt-based following that prides itself on sacrificing something because they feel that if they don't, an eternity of damnation awaits. That's the same kind of thinking that permeates gamblers and other superstitious typ...

When is a free DVD not free? When you're a member of the Columbia House DVD club. GO PAPERLESS! No more order cards and catalogs! they proclaim, (exclamation points) and "we'll reward you with a FREE DVD from a selection of hot titles." uh-huh. The fine print. A shipping and processing fee will be added to your FREE selection. I suppose by putting the word free in capital letters, then charging you a shipping and processing fee (not free, fee ) it somehow makes it right. Imagine a world where retailers actually sent you something for free and didn't charge you for shipping. The horror! Is there another meaning for free that I've missed? Those "hot titles" include "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium", "Shrek 2", "Garfield 3" (a close game), "Evan Almighty" and "X-Men 3." Hot. I don't know how much the shipping and processing fee is, but I'd bet it's just about the price of the DV...

Fuck Turbo Tax. And while we're at it fuck the entire tax system and the people who profit from it. I hope they have some lackey at whatever Hellhole they inhabit doing Google searches for their company so that they can see Fuck Turbo Tax come up in big fucking bold letters on their fucking wide screen monitors. I hope they see it around lunch time when their fucking corporate attorneys are choking on a stale turkey wrap. Where did this wrath start? When I bought their fucking software and it told me that I owed $4,200 in federal taxes, and I went to H & R Block and entered the same info and I was told I owed $710. That's a start. Now, I find myself doing my Sainted mother's income taxes on their fucking "free" web site. The woman earns $4,000 a year working for a local school in addition to the Social Security she gets. They take state income taxes out of her wages because they say, "We have to" and every year, she gets the same $63 refund (sor...

So they gave out those Academy Awards on Sunday night. I'd be all twisted up, but the only two movies I saw were "The Dark Knight" and "The Visitor" (best actor nominee). From what I hear, I'm one of twelve people who saw "The Visitor." I recommend it, by the way. I can't speak for the other eleven. There's kind of a homophobic thing going on with that "Milk" movie. It's hard to explain, but if you mention it to some people and tell them you liked it, they look at you funnily (queerly, so to speak) and tell you how horrible it was that it was even nominated, so imagine my glee to see Spicoli win the Oscar. I'd be happier if it actually had anything to do with my life. I don't get worked up over awards shows like I used to. Age and maturity have given me a more healthy perspective and generally, their winning or losing doesn't affect my life, so why should I care? I do get a kick out of the self-importance of th...

I just returned from the dentist. I'm having a crown put on one of my back teeth - number 16 I think. They're so weak and full of fillings that they spontaneously snap in half like a busted Pinata. It's always a surprise to be munching on lunch and wonder why my yogurt has nuts in it. Those aren't nuts. They're parts of my former teeth. I think this is my fourth crown. The hard part is keeping the temporary in place while they build the steel one. This one has to remain stuck until March 11. Meanwhile, my crappy dental insurance is picking up $1,000 of the cost but still leaving me with nearly $700 to pay. Next time, I might just deal with the broken teeth. It isn't like anyone can see them. On another medical-related note, I received a copy of the invoice for my hospital stay last month . Just so you can guess, here are the details... Emergency room visit at 10:00pm Friday night. IV bag, 3 X-rays and IV pain medication. Check-in to the room at 4:00...

Occasionally I find the answer to one of my minor personal biases. I have a set of things that I'd rather not do, and I sometimes feel as though my feelings are irrational because I may have forgotten the reason I felt like that to begin. My fitness center doubles as a "community center," which is to say that the community invades the place now and then. There is an Olympic-sized swimming pool that I refuse to use because one of my personal biases tells me to stay out of any body of stagnant, filtered water that is used by great numbers of strangers. There was a father and 2-year old daughter in the locker room (why, I have no idea) and the father was dressing his daughter for a trip to the pool. His friend asked him a question, and when I heard the question, I immediately realized why I don't use community pools. "Does she have her pool diaper on?" I couldn't help but glance back to see what a pool diaper looked like. It's an elastic banded pl...

All weekend, the NFL Network has been running the NFL Scouting Combine , which is a skills contest between all of the top college players who plan on coming to the pros. February is kind of a dead zone for TV, and it's made even more dead by broadcasting guys bench pressing and jumping up and down. The strange thing about the Combine is that it judges players on skills that they will never use on a football field, like bench pressing and jumping up and down. There is a mile of game film on every one of these guys, yet they insist on bringing them to Indianapolis and putting them through this stuff. There's something wrong with a system where guys play football for 3 or 4 years and you still have to put them through this nonsense. It'd be different if it led to better decisions, but mostly it leads to second-guessing and poor decisions. Can he break a tackle? I don't know, but he can bench 550. The other strange thing is that it's on TV. We live in an era where...