My Sick Mind

1 in 4 U.S. jobs pays less than a poverty-level income. 2 in 5 elderly live on less than $18,000 a year, including Social Security benefits. The average credit card balance for households earning less than $35,000 is $4,000. 1 in 3 people who have left welfare since 1996 did so because they couldn't meet the program requirements or they hit the 5-year limit. Since 2000, the number of Americans living below the poverty line at any one time has steadily risen. Now, 13% of all Americans (37 million) are officially poor. Among households worth less than $13,500, their average net worth in 2001 was $0. By 2004, it was down to - $1,400. Bush's tax cuts (extended until 2010) save those earning between $20,000 and $30,000 an average of $10 a year, while those earning $1 million are saved $42,700. In 2002, Senator Charles Grassley (R-Iowa) compared those who point out statistics such as the ones above to Adolph Hitler. NOW, HERE'S THE PERSPECTIVE: Richard Helfant, the executive dir...

Sometimes driving while intoxicated isn't necessarily your biggest problem. Eddie Griffin is a 24 year-old forward for the Minneapolis Timberwolves. But basketball isn't his only skill. He can also drive with one hand, but if you're on the sidewalk, you'd better keep your eye on him. One late night back in March, Eddie was traveling the streets of Minneapolis when he hit a vehicle in an intersection, then went into a nearby convenience store and confessed to empoyees that he was intoxicated. After offering to buy the owner of the damaged vehicle a new one, police were summoned. For some reason, they elected to drive him home to St. Paul without testing him or charging him with D.W.I. It couldn't be because he is a popular basketball player, could it? No, probably not. But, I will bypass that indiscretion to focus on another. As it turns out, the reason Eddie collided with the other vehicle is because he was allegedly watching a pornographic video on his da...

Here's a joke you won't hear around the water cooler tomorrow: How many Pakistani doctors does it take to get a light bulb out of your ass? Fateh Mohammad, a prison inmate in Pakistan, says he woke up last weekend with a glass lightbulb in his anus. It would be funny if it weren't true. That's right. I don't know how many of you have ever put a light bulb in your anus, but I'm guessing that it is zero. And, as far as I can tell, light bulbs are manufactured, not grown, so I figure that Fateh had not swallowed a seed. Fateh, to his credit, was surprised: "When I woke up I felt a pain in my lower abdomen, but later in hospital, they told me this," Mohammad said. "I don't know who did this to me. Police or other prisoners." Uh .... my guess would be the 'other prisioners'. When you're locked up in a Pakistani prison, you have to make your own entertainment ... and what's more entertaining than a light bulb in your buddy'...

After a couple of days away from the blogging, I have returned to find that the limits of odd behavior in which my fellow humans will engage has expanded a bit further. After a flurry of early posts in which I recounted my disdain for certain televison shows, sports, the Bush administration and even cracked a few jokes along the way; I have found the waters a bit clear of targets for my rants. However, I know that the creeps and weirdos of the world will continue to stock those waters with fresh ideas and innovative behavior. Generally, my patience is rewarded, and I hope it makes for good copy. This most recent oddity appeared today ... There is currently a trial going on in Bristow , Oklahoma, where former judge Donald D. Thompson is accused of using a penis pump on himself during trials, most notably during the trial of a murdered toddler, during his grandfather's teary-eyed testimony. You may now take a few seconds to re-read that sentence. If that wasn't bad enough, his fo...

O nce again, the TV weather people (I neglect to call them meteorologists, partly out of respect for real scientists, and partly because it is difficult to spell) have failed us. The drenching rains that have covered the Northeast for the last three days were supposed to subside, at least temporarily today, but they did not. Viewers of local news outlet known strangely as "Action News" were subjected to Cecily Tynan's lame explanation thusly: "We were hoping that the air flow would contribute to drier conditions..." Wait ... "hoping"? You were hoping ? Millions of dollars worth of satellite feeds, screens with names that use the word "radar" like Homer Simpson uses the word "beer" ... gauges, dials, things that spin and colored maps that even Johannes Kepler couldn't understand - and you were hoping ? For $600,000 a year , Cecily, I was expecting so much more. But, she wasn't done. On her return trip to the news desk to sch...

Just in case you thought the current sorry state of athletes was being exaggerated by the Brett Myers incident, I offer these stories, which all happened within the last two weeks... June 21 - LOS ANGELES, Ca. (AP) -- Bengals defensive end Frostee Rucker has been charged with two counts of spousal battery and vandalism. The misdemeanor charges were filed Tuesday after an alleged fight between Rucker and his girlfriend at a party he was hosting in Los Angeles last August. June 23 - MANDEVILLE, La. (AP) -- New Orleans Saints offensive tackle Jammal Brown was free on bond Friday following his arrest on a domestic abuse complaint from his wife. Brown was booked Thursday with domestic abuse battery after his wife placed a 911 call. June 16 - PITTSBURGH, Pa. (AP) -- Pittsburgh Steelers receiver Santonio Holmes was charged by Columbus, Ohio, police Monday with two misdemeanor counts of domestic violence and simple assault. It was his second arrest since he was chosen in the first round ...

Our hometown ballclub, the Phillies, can't seem to get a break, but apparently their fans can ... break, that is. Last Sunday, in a game at Citizen's Bank Ballpark, a fan was injured. Sherry McGoldrick, 42, of Dover, Del., whose face wound up in the middle of a foul ball's descent back to earth, said "I didn't see it until it was an inch from my face." On Friday, McGoldrick was still at Thomas Jefferson University Hospital. She said the ball broke her nose, her sinus bone and her left eye-socket bone. She has blood clots in her left eye. Pardon my bluntness, but Sherry ... ya gotta pay attention. It's not like someone dropped a beer on you from the upper deck. It was a ball, which is half of the name of the game. If a base hits you, that would be another story. Now, you're probably thinking I'm going to make some oddly tasteless joke about how Brett Myers hit her with the ball, or how the Phillies should set up a trust fund for the physical and emo...