My Sick Mind

Sports is strange. Things that happen in sports don't happen in real life, and vice-versa. It's an odd thing, and strange the way some people separate sports from everything else. Last week I went to Baltimore for the Orioles home opener. On my way out, I bought a polo shirt with the bird and "Orioles" written underneath. When I wore it to work the next day you'd have thought I was wearing a Swastika necktie. "Hey, I thought you were a Phillies fan!" "What's this - Orioles?" "What's with the Orioles shirt?" I explained that I have been going to Orioles games since the 80s, and I like the Orioles, the ballpark and I enjoy visiting Baltimore. What I really wanted to say was, "Fuck you, I'll wear what I want. How about losing 50 pounds, tubby." Apparently, we're only allowed to wear one team's items, and we're especially only allowed to support the local teams. To me, I'm limiting myself if I onl...

I love the e-mail. Opening it means I'll get anything from an offer from a foreign potentate to help him secure his bank deposit to drugs to make my penis bigger. I don't need either, so it was nice to receive one that I could actually make some use of. This came from the Baltimore Orioles - the opposite of the New York Mets - asking me to start voting online for this year's All-Star game. They weren't asking for much, and were giving so much. Vote for your favorite Orioles for the 2009 MLB All-Star Game on orioles.com today. If you select the Orioles as your "favorite" or "other favorite" Club the maximum 25 times between Wed., April 22 and Thursday, July 2, you'll receive an exclusive promo code good for one (1) FREE Upper Reserve seat to one (1) Orioles non-prime home game after the All-Star break of your choice. I don't know why the 1 has to be in parenthesis - twice. As you may know, the Orioles are my "other favorite team" s...

It was a great day for a ballgame. I took Wednesday off and wandered down I-95 to Baltimore to watch my second-favorite baseball team, the Baltimore Orioles take on the (stinking) Boston Red Sox at Camden Yards, one of the few ballparks yet to succumb to the lure of big money naming rights. The place was swarming with (stinking) Red Sox fans. Probably because they can't get a ticket for a game at Fenway, so they come to places like Baltimore, New York and Philadelphia and infest otherwise decent places with their (stinking) World Champions t-shirts and goofy accents. I try to act politely when I'm around them, because I realize that baseball was invented in Boston in 1996 and I owe them their due. Prior to the game, I was able to find some quality time with my friend Beer in the centerfield picnic area, where I didn't exactly have a picnic, just some fries and a Harp. In the foreground, you can make out the giveaway item of the day. It's a seat cushion. When I arrive...

Like a dog with a bone , I kept at it. The Virtual Waiting Room be damned. There's baseball in Boston and I'm going. Section G26, row 8. It isn't until Labor Day, so I'll probably have to put one of those post-it notes on the calendar, but I'm going. Red Sox vs. Orioles. Sure, I could go to Camden Yards (and I will), but yes Sparky, I need Fenway. I need an old ballpark that really is an old ballpark, not one dressed up to look old. In the 1970s , stadiums were multi-purpose, because people figured (rightly at the time) that if they were going to spend $40 million to build a stadium, it's more efficient if you can play football and baseball in them. They all looked the same - geometrically they were octorads - nearly circular, but not quite. Busch Stadium in St. Louis, Three Rivers Stadium in Pittsburgh, Riverfront Stadium in Cincinnati and Veterans Stadium here in Philadelphia. The only one I never got to was Busch, but if I closed my eyes in one of the othe...