My Sick Mind

While I was looking over the flooding in my neighborhood on Sunday, I realized that I live near some Urban Hillbillies. I call them Urban Hillbillies because their speech pattern doesn't match the area in which they live. They pronounce creek crik , water wuter and they say things like "I swum" and have an accent that belies the fact that they live 20 miles from Philadelphia. They're fascinating, mainly because they have managed to develop their own voice and mannerisms while others around them find it strange. I saw a few of them in the local Wal-Mart this afternoon. If you hyphenate Wal-Mart, you are not an Urban Hillbilly. Urban Hillbillies call it Walmert and show up in whatever they happen to be wearing when they rolled out of bed into their pile of clothes that morning. I wandered in there because I needed Benadryl and had almost given up finding some. The Deptford Wal-Mart is relatively new. It's been there a year or so, and today wa...

WASHINGTON TOWNSHIP, N.J. – Police say they have made an arrest in the case of a racial comment being made over the public-address system at a Wal-Mart store in southern New Jersey. The Washington Township Police Department said on its Web site early Saturday that an arrest has been made in a "bias incident" at the retail store. The posting says the police and Gloucester County Prosecutor's Office will announce the arrest at a midday news conference. Washington Township Police declined to comment early Saturday. A male voice came over the Wal-Mart public address system Sunday evening and calmly announced: "Attention, Wal-Mart customers: All black people, leave the store now." The announcement provoked an immediate apology from the store manager. Officials for Bentonville, Arkansas-based Wal-Mart Stores Inc., said the announcement was "unacceptable." It was unacceptable, but was it illegal ? Suppose he had said, "All fat people leave the store...

Wednesday was one of those oddball mid-week holidays that not everyone gets. While I appreciate the reason, I wonder why Veteran's Day needs to remain November 11, and isn't subjected to the American 3-day weekend treatment that other holidays endure. It's the same reason that Election Day should be on a Saturday, to allow as many people as possible to vote. Some traditions are way too engrained in our national habits and need to be changed, while others ... A year after an unruly crowd trampled a worker to death at a Wal-Mart store, the nation’s retailers are preparing for another Black Friday, the blockbuster shopping day after Thanksgiving. Last year, frenzied shoppers at a Wal-Mart in Valley Stream, N.Y., trampled Jdimytai Damour, a temporary store worker who died soon afterward. To prevent any repeat, Wal-Mart has sharply changed how it intends to manage the crowds. That new plan, developed by experts who have wrangled throngs at events like the Super Bowl and the Ol...

Finally ... a headline I can get excited about ... Women Prefer Men Who Look Like Dad Now, I can start getting those 20-year old's to start looking at me. I'm your daddy. Meanwhile, some guys are at Oakmont playing a golf tournament. Something called the U.S. Open, or so I hear. The girls are taking the week off, so I might tune in. This story on Yahoo News talks about the autograph seekers waiting in the hot sun for players to sign stuff. By Wednesday afternoon, some autograph seekers were already posting their goods online. Several white U.S. Open flags, featuring Oakmont's squirrel logo, were selling on eBay with as many as 50 autographs on them. Bids on most started around $199. Pikers. That hat I had autographed at Bulle Rock last week ... you'll pry it from my cold, dead hands. And Paula's pink golf ball -- I might be buried with that baby. On reflection, it was as great a week as I have had watching any sport, and as long as none of them beats up John Daly...

No, not that one... This one... Over on Pam's Musings , we were treated to her voyage to the dark side - namely the Wal -Mart. A lively little tale of her reluctant visit to a store that she reviles. So, leave it up to me to pour a little kerosene on the fire. One of the things that surprised her (and me) was that the Wal -Mart sells organic vegetables. Cool, right? Wrong . This cool little article was linked from the Huffington Post , and details how the boys from Arkansas (pronounced are-can-saw) are under investigation over trying to pass off non-organic foods as organic. Hoo -boy! How 'bout them prices! It's a shame, because some people were excited by the prospect, only to find out that they were duped. Sorry to burst your free-range bubble, but something in the ba ck of my sick mind told me that I should do a little web search over " Wal -Mart organic vegetables". Viola (pronounced woa -la!) ... there it was. And here's the ... ahem ... meat of t...

Speaking of guys who need a shoe piece... PORT ST. LUCIE, Florida - A 77-year-old local man who reportedly admitted looking up women's skirts for 13 years, was arrested Monday in connection with an incident last month at a Wal-Mart SuperCenter in St. Lucie West. You have to watch out for those "local men". I don't approve of releasing his name, since he "reportedly" looked up their skirts, so in the interest of fairness, and the assumption that one is innocent until proven guilty... He told investigators that he had been looking up women's skirts without their knowledge for about 13 years. He said he used a mirror from the stores to stare up their skirts. It seems as though our man doesn't hold up well under questioning. As his ersatz lawyer (I'm an accounting grad, but WTF) I would have advised him to keep his pie hole shut. Cop to the Wal-Mart incident, pay your fine and move on. Police learned of [the assailant] after a woman found him...