My Sick Mind

Just like the fictional TV horse Mister Ed, I never speak unless I have something to say. Last night I was rummaging around some old CDs and came across a set of scans of amusement park photos that I took several years ago. These were taken at Ocean City, NJ and Wildwood, NJ; probably in 2001. The exposure times vary, but always at least 4 seconds. What amazes me is how still people can be without asking. Had I asked, they probably would have moved. I can give you details if you're interested, but the details aren't that important. It's another dreary day around here, so maybe this will brighten it a bit. Probably not. I didn't notice the "chaos" sign until I got a look at the slide. It's framed in my living room.

It rained on our parade. Independence Day (or the fourth of July for the learning impaired) was a fizzle. It rained just enough this morning to cancel some parades and just enough tonight to cancel fireworks. Unless, of course you happen to have run by an out-of-state supplier during the week and you managed to spew some off in your backyard. The glow from the suburbs and the smoke-filled road reminded everyone that a little rain can't spoil the fun of real Americans. First thing Friday morning, my eyes were focused on the good old Weather Channel for some of their sage wisdom. Sage it was. They run this program called Your Weather Today , which is the TV equivalent of sticking your head out the window. Seriously, if both hosts suddenly retired, my cat could take over and the show wouldn't lose a step. Here I am, like a chump looking for a morning and evening forecast, and Heather Tesch (really) is using words like "hopefully" to let me in on the day's events....

Baseball's annual exhibition game, the All-Star game is next week. Today, I received an e-mail from Major League Baseball with a link to buy tickets to the game. Well, I was born during the day, but it wasn't yesterday . I figured there was a ruse afoot. Sure enough, clicking the link set me up with the "Official Fan to Fan Ticket Marketplace" (i.e. Legal ticket scalper) StubHub. The oddly named ticket re-seller. If I wanted a ticket stub, I wouldn't buy one from a scalper. Those, I can pick up off the floor. Being the curious guy that I am, I clicked it . Prices ranged from a low of $365 to a high of (sitting down?) $29,500. That's right. And it wasn't just one guy, there were 19 sellers asking at least $10,000 for a seat to the game. I'll leave it to you to digest those figures. What galls me about the whole StubHub scam is that the professional leagues (the NFL, NBA, MLB and NHL) along with the King of ticket scammers, Ticketmaster (Ticketbastar...

One of my many useless skills is reading too much into an ordinary article or news story. There was a good one today: NEW YORK (AP) - Shares of General Motors Corp. plunged Wednesday to close below $10 for the first time in more than half a century, on worries about the company's cash needs and speculation about a possible bankruptcy protection filing down the road. GM shares fell $1.77, or 15.1 percent, to close at $9.98. Their session low of $9.96 marked their lowest point since September 13, 1954 , when they hit $9.92, according to the Center for Research in Security Prices at the University of Chicago. The price is adjusted for splits and other changes . After reading that, I imagined a 55-year old who got a hundred shares as a christening gift back in 1954. He's ready to retire now and on a recent trip to his safe deposit box, he quickly discovered that they were worth the same $1,000 that they were worth when his rich uncle gave them to him as a very generous gift. Once...

SERENDIPITY I was late tuning in the Phillies game tonight. I had just gotten in from one of my bike-to-gym runs and I flipped on the TV in the bottom of the second inning. That's when it happened. Phils broadcaster Chris Wheeler, said, "For those of you just tuning in..." Wow. I'm just tuning in. So many times I've heard that statement, and I've told the TV, "I've been watching for an hour." I used to wonder to whom they were talking. Now I know. It's me, that's whom. I COULDA TOLD YOU. LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Starbucks Corporation said on Tuesday it plans to close 600 underperforming U.S. stores and cut up to 12,000 full and part-time positions, (about 8 percent of its workforce) as it copes with an economic downturn and increasing competition . For years, comedians and regular people have been making jokes about too many Starbucks. Lewis Black does ten minutes on being in Houston and standing next to a Starbucks and turning around ...

Cat litter. That's what it's come to. Amazing isn't it? Fifty years old, a college degree, home ownership and it comes down to cat litter. Amazing and appropriate both. Monday night I decided to forgo the supermarket trip in lieu of the pet store approach to buying cat litter. It's on the way home and the supermarket parking lot is a congested knot of clutter. Another executive decision executed. What I hadn't bargained on was the huge price mark-up for things in high-end pet stores. I wandered in thinking I was going to easily wander out. Besides, it was cat litter, right? How much could it cost? Try twelve bucks. Twelve dollars made a tank of gasoline look like a bargain. At least the gas gets me someplace. This gets me nowhere except wandering the store in tiny circles looking ... there must be a two dollar bag of cat litter here someplace, right? I found the eight dollar bag, which was actually a plastic container with a lid, as though I'm supposed to po...

Hershey, Pennsylvania. Everything in town has the same name. Hershey Park, Hershey Avenue, Milton Hershey School, Hershey Gardens, the Hotel Hershey, The Hershey Lodge, Hershey Area Playhouse ... You could drop somebody blindfolded out of a moving car and it would take about two minutes for them to figure out where they were. The only thing in town this week that wasn't named Hershey was The Dave Matthews Band. It was another great show. They're almost always great, which is why I go. The venue, on the other hand, sucks dark chocolate. Strike one was a trio of teenaged girls who accused me of stealing their jacket in the Hershey Park cafeteria. What a 50-year old would be doing with a girls' jacket in 90-plus temperatures is beyond me, but there you are. It's a big stadium with odd ways in and out, as though they wanted to punish us for having to pee. Last year it was a power-tripping security guard who made me go back and re-enter. Strike two this year was a specta...