My Sick Mind

The world's most self-important sporting event is over. The Masters, a golf tournament so self-involved that it has its own theme music and has persuaded a major television network to broadcast it with limited commercial interruptions, is finally over. If only Simon Cowell were that powerful. As Tiger Woods strolled off the 18th green today, Jim Nantz said that "he somehow managed a 69 through all of this." The little kid in me chuckled. Sports should bring out the little kid in us all. That Nantz is a wordsmith. That's why he makes the big bucks, I'm guessing. I bet Nantz gets an e-mail from the suits at CBS and the even stauncher suits at Augusta. It's interesting to me the way Tiger wears his sunglasses on the back of his hat, so not to obscure the Nike logo on the front of his hat. He's all about the marketing. Meanwhile, Lee Westwood's shirt looked like a NASCAR suit. Ads on the lapels, sleeves and both sides of his chest. Can golf get any mo...

I had a ticket to the Orioles game on Saturday. The weather forecasters made it sound like the rain would stop mid-morning, allowing me to drive there in time for a rain-free day in Baltimore. In reality (something the forecasters are oblivious to) it rained until 3 in the afternoon, so I stayed home and watched the game on my $40 MLB cable package. In between, I switched over to the Masters tournament coverage on CBS. I've never seen network broadcasters openly rooting for someone like I saw them rooting for Tiger Woods at this week's Masters golf tournament. Every shot he makes or misses is a major event with these guys. I'm guessing (correctly) that Kenny Perry and Chad Johnson don't make for big viewer ratings on Sunday, so Tiger being part of the event is a big deal to them. But, don't make it so obvious, OK guys? We know the TV ratings are nice, but you don't have to be cheerleaders. If they rooted for Jim Fuyrk so intensely, I'd have to think about ...

Jerry : The New York Yankees? George : The New York Yankees! Jerry : Ruth, Gehrig, DiMaggio, Mantle ... Costanza ? George : I'm the assistant to the traveling secretary. I'm going on the road trips with them! I'll be on the plane ... I'm working in Yankee Stadium! This is a dream. I'm busting, Jerry, I'm busting! Jerry : I can't believe it. Bobby Jones, Nicklaus, Snead, Woods … Immelman ? I can't believe it either. Trevor Immelman placed his name alongside the greats of the game and donned that hideous green jacket after winning The Masters on Sunday. I like watching golf, but I can’t help but feel like it’s an elitist sport. Scan the leaderboard and you’ll see names like Brandt Sneddiker, Padraig Harrington, Arron Oberholser, Heath Slocum, Aaron Baddeley, Charles Howell III, Trip Kuehne and Davis Love III. Who names a kid Trip, Brandt or Padraig? You know who, and they don’t know you. I know it isn’t everybody , and it isn’t as bad as it was, but I’m s...

The Office is back and everything is right with the world. For those of you who don't watch, you're missing out. But that's OK, I've been hearing that I'm missing American Idol and I don't give a crap. Tonight's episode was one of the best ever. It bears re-watching, which I will do on NBC.com. The latest Barack Obama ad, which aired during The Office (buzz kill) tells us: "There is not a liberal America and a conservative America. There is the United States of America." That's a nice sentiment, but it's completely erroneous. Anyone who pays attention knows differently. Can he honestly tell us that Utah is the same as New York City? That Alabama is the same as Minnesota? He's kidding, right? If he thinks that message is going to carry him to the White House, he's got another think coming. The term "United States" is a geographic distinction, and in no way relates to the politics that each state represents. I think Bara...

The Masters Golf Tournament will have one hour of coverage on its Web site before the network telecast begins, an example of how new Augusta National chairman Billy Payne wants to see how new media can expand the tournament's audience. It starts April 5, so get your rest. It's called Amen Corner Live , after the famous part of the golf course. Woo hoo! Oh baby. I got a little 7-iron in my pants over that news. Unfortunately for Internet viewers, the extra hour involves lining up putts, bending over and bending back, taking practice swings, talking to the caddy, leaning on the club, marking the ball, cleaning the greens, asking for quiet, lining up the putt again, taking more practice swings, asking the caddy to repeat what he said before you started cleaning the green, asking for quiet and looking askance at the overall lay of the land. After that, it's a solid twelve minutes of heart-stopping PGA Golf-type action. Although, watching the ball in flight takes up some of tha...