I saw a story on the web today about a woman who is selling most of her belongings on Ebay. Something about having too much junk and getting her life back. She's keeping the basics - photo albums, towels, plates - stuff like that, and discarding the rest. It sounds like such a good idea, the whole minimalist lifestyle gig. I think we grow too attached to junk and it becomes such a part of our lives. The sad part is, most of it is buried under other junk and the only time we see it is when we're doing some big cleaning project and it is uncovered. Then, there's that "so this is where it is" moment - followed by another filing procedure and more lost junk that we don't use, need or particularly care about until we find it and realize that it was missing for all those years. I'm looking around at a collection of stuff that pretty much just sits here. It would look much better in a box being shipped to someone else's house while the money rested in a savings account for that next cat illness or set of tires that I actually use for something. Note to self.
Then, on the TV, there's this ad for Disney World. Something about an "affordable" vacation. A husband and wife sitting by the computer whining about taking the kids for a family vacation. The quick image of the Disney vacation flashes on the screen, while the words "Sixteen-hundred, we can afford that" go by as fast as the $1600 image on the screen. Then a Cinderella carriage stops by the house and the kids start screaming. What we are supposed to believe is that $1,600 is affordable to the majority of people watching Everybody Loves Raymond on TBS. If I had $1600, I'd be thinking about all the bills I had to pay, not some Disney vacation. Not to mention that $1600 is about one-tenth of the gross annual income of a great number of people in this country. Affordable is relative. I think the Disney people realize that, which is why the dollar part goes by so quickly and quietly. Maybe if I sold some of those old CDs on Ebay...
Soon, I'm going to have to sit down and do my taxes. I know. This is the first time since I've been working that I haven't had them done on February 1. I never have to pay, but I don't get the thousands of dollars that some of my goofy co-workers and relatives get. They prefer to give the government an interest-free loan and whine about not having any money to spend. Meanwhile, the 40 bucks they give the government every week could be better spent on infant formula, beer or a nice dinner instead of waiting until April to get a check. Maybe they'll go to Disney World?
I don't know why I've been procrastinating so. I have all my paperwork, my TurboTax software and free time. In the back of my mind, I'm wondering what would happen if I just didn't file. Screw 'em. They owe me a couple hundred dollars, so why bother? The TV ads for the software and tax prep services use fear as a motivator, with that panicky woman at the bus stop screaming "I know! I know!" when the guy asks her if she knows what time it is.
Some of us know but don't care.
Lately, I've been thinking about being alone for the rest of my life. There's some ad on the TV (the common thread here) where someone talks about being "the love of my life". I am almost 50 years old and I have never been the love of anyone's life. At this point, I suppose I never will be. If it was going to happen, it would have happened by now. I have been close a couple of times, but close is never good enough. The longest relationship I have had is with my cat, and I'm not always sure he's that excited about being here, either, but he knows where the food is. Generally, my little quirks that drew her to me become annoyances that push us apart. I've seen it happen, and it isn't pretty. It reminds me of this monologue by Lenny Bruce, recreated in the film Lenny:
The trouble is we all live in a ''happy ending'' culture.
A ''what should be'' culture instead of a ''what is'' culture.
We're taught that fantasy, but if we were taught ''This is what is'', I think we'd be less screwed up. Dig what l mean.
l'd like to show you dirty pictures that relate to your daughter, or mine.
These are some pictures of the Kennedy assassination.
Now... I say these are dirty pictures, because the captions are bullshit.
''Never for an instant did she think of flight.''
Now, that's bullshit. That's my conclusion. Time magazine's conclusion is that she was trying to get out of the car to get help or trying to help the Secret Service man aboard.
That's their conclusion, and we buy it.
But l think she did the normal thing, man!
When the president got it ... and the governor got it ... she tried to get the Hell out of there!
But they want us to believe this bullshit!
They want our daughters, if their husbands get their faces shot off, and they try to haul ass to save their asses, if they do the normal thing, then they'll feel guilty and shitty, because they're not like that good woman in the fantasy!
lt's a dirty lie to tell the people that if you're good you stay, and if you're bad you run.
Because she didn't stay!
Fuck it, man, she didn't stay!
People don't stay!
No ... people don't stay.
.
The bigger part of me says that I should just abandon the issue and allow myself to be alone, rather than continue to fight the inevitable, because people don't stay. When the fantasy is over, they run. Simple.
I was telling one of my friends at work about my baseball adventure the other day, and he seemed surprised that I went to the game alone. I have come to realize that if I do not do things alone, I will be relegated to a life at home. It's either go alone or not at all. It's not much of a choice.
When the fantasy stops and the reality sets in ... People don't stay.
Not very funny today.
Sorry.
.
7 comments:
taxes, bleh, though you do have until Tuesday I think. We owe, so your luckier.
Have you decided that you wish to be alone, or do you think its just the end of the line and thats the way it will be?
I'm thinking it's pretty much the end of the line. What I "wish" is irrelevant at this stage.
It's difficult when one loses ones hopes and dreams, but we carry on - don't we?
"I am almost 50 years old and I have never been the love of anyone's life. At this point, I suppose I never will be. If it was going to happen, it would have happened by now."
Ah yes, I forgot. We all die once we hit 50.
Many people are alone based on choice or circumstance. Whether you want to feel lonely as well is nobody's decision but your own.
Don't hand in your taxes this year. You'll see just how many people do care about you!
We don't die at 50. Just on the inside. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
There's a lot more going on than meets the eye.
My sister in Law gets ten grand back. She has five children...two who are adopted, she gets that adoption credit which is bullshit cause they were foster kids so the state paid for the adoptions. And do you think she saves it or does something good with it like invest for the college education her soon to be six kids are gonna need...noo shes' already asking for people to buy stuff for her!! ...ok I'll stop.....
I'm getting $700 back. I think I'll retire now...
I have to pay for the first time in my life. And I'm toying with the idea of not doing them. Hell after all the shit I've paid before? And the people who get every penny back PLUS? Can ya FEEL the steam coming out of my orifices? The G-man then plays devil's advocate and says well "the people who have kids have to buy all that shit throughout the year" blah blah yadda yadda. Hey that's not MY problem so why do EYE have to pay for THEIR kids! Because that's where I think my taxes go. Ok I'm gettin madder so I'm off.
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