What's On TV?

The treadmills in our gym sit in front of a bank of televisions, tuned to various channels. Almost always, one is tuned to Fox News. Tonight, on one of their stupid shows, the host was interviewing some kid who started crying for one of those American Idol contestants. Supposedly, the one she was crying for didn't get eliminated [I'm piecing this together from closed-captioning] and everybody figures it's because of the kid. Apparently, the kid is some sort of cult figure, because she was sitting there with her mom, literally inhaling their 15 minutes of fame, and the stupid host was gushing over the kid (I could tell by the way he was gushing) and the kid was giggling and the mom was looking as though she couldn't be more proud. Then, the host said something and the kid started to giggle, then the mom and the host started laughing because the kid was being so darned cute.

It was at that precise moment that I started to squirt my water bottle directly into my nose. It was the only way I could think of that I could take my life before the interview was over. Really. It is supposed to be a news show [right], but it turned into a big promo for their other stupid network, which was a major break from the one-sided political coverage. I'm not sure which is worse. Fox, hide your shame.

Then, I tire of the banality and cast my gaze over to the next TV, tuned to the boobs who run that Pardon the Interruption show. Boob Tony Kornheiser was talking to another guy about the NCAA tournament. The guy was picking Texas A & M to go to the Final Four, and he asked Tony what his pick was. Tony said, "Don't ask me, I had Louisville coming out of that quadrant." Quadrant? That's something that the girl at the laundromat who plays the pool because she wants to pick the school her brother went to says. They're called Regions, dunderhead. He gets paid to talk about sports. The girl at the laundromat gets paid to wash shirts. One of the two is overpaid.

So, the NCAA tournament re-started tonight. I'm watching the Kansas/Southern Illinois game (at home, this time) and the commentators are Dick Enberg and another old, white guy. The other old white guy couldn't wait to tell us whenever it was a "one possession game" every time the scores were 3 points or less apart.
Then, he tells us that "the longer Southern Illinois has the ball, the more Kansas will be on defense." Brilliant. What time will my shirts be ready?

Next up is Brilliant Observation #2. "Kansas has no rhythm at all offensively. That's because of the defense Southern Illinois plays." Insight.

Later, their attention turned to Jamaal Tatum, a player with Southern Illinois. They said he was a great student, and "his only C came in African-American Studies", then they chuckled, because he's African-American, and everyone knows how ridiculous it is to think that a black student would do poorly in African-American Studies. That's right. No white kid ever got a C in American History, so it stands to reason. Idiots.

I can't figure out why I enjoy television so much.
.