I.R.S. - I'm Really Stimulated

I.R.S. Haiku:

My payment is late.
I don’t know where it could be.
I need stimulus.

If you’re like me (God forbid) you’re still waiting for your I.R.S. “stimulus payment”. In my case, it's a whopping great $600, which, in the shadow of yesterday's litany of bad ideas, I have been given no end of economic ideas for it, ranging from the ridiculous to the sublime. I wonder what the Money Kings (the high Priests of motoring) would tell me to do? Never mind.

Since my last two Social Security numbers are at the high end of the range, I was originally told that I would receive the payment by direct deposit “no later than May 14.” It is May 20, and I am still waiting.

A call to the I.R.S. Rebate Hotline (866-234-2942) told me that they were “experiencing heavy call volume” regarding the economic stimulus payments. No kidding.

By the way, you know there’s trouble when they have to set up a “hotline”.

Then, the computer enhanced female voice told me that “most direct-deposit payments will be issued within the next few weeks.” I decided to hang on and check the status of my payment by entering my Social Security number and some tax info.

“We cannot provide any specific information about your payment.” Thanks, lady. That’s another three minutes of my life I’ll never get back.

The reason they’re experiencing heavy call volume is because a large number of people have yet to receive their promised payments.

When April 15 rolls around, we are told that failure to file a return will incur interest and penalty. I wonder how it would go over if, when they called me asking for my tax forms, I told them that “I cannot provide any specific information about my tax forms.” Not very well, I’m thinking.

Since the I.R.S. is already a week late with my payment (and likely to be at least two more weeks late), can I count on a little interest and penalty payment?

This is me holding my breath.