As we close in on another New Year's Day, a few things come to mind. The sick one, don't-cha know.There's the thing that we say to each other around the holidays. "In case I don't see you, have a Happy New Year!" In case I don't see you? What's that mean? So, what happens if I do see you? Have a good new year, regardless. Call me.
And, what's the holiday anyway? It's the first day of a new calendar year, yet it's a legal holiday. Is it "National Hangover Day", or just an excuse for another day off? Part of me doesn't get all the fuss.
Here in the Philadelphia area, and specifically in the city, we have something called the Mummer's Parade. Being born and reared here, I'm supposed to embrace the parade as some sort of local ritual. For the record, I think it's ridiculous. There, I said it.
It's only recently that women were allowed to participate. Men would dress up like women and do that silly Mummers Strut - which appears to be a mix of St. Vitus Dance and a drunken wobble, replete with a paper umbrella and big purple parachute pants. Combine that with bad, out of tune banjo-saxophone-xylophone music, and you have a real celebration.
Not to mention (but I will, anyway) that the parade lasts about 13 hours. That's right. It starts sometime around 8am, and fizzles out after 9pm or so. It's some sort of marathon, and if you're a "real" Philadelphian, you're probably looking up my e-mail address right about now and sending me ONE OF THOSE ALL-CAPITAL LETTER E-MAIL'S WITH FIVE EXCLAMATION POINTS AT THE END OF EVERY SENTENCE TELLING ME WHAT AN ASSHOLE I AM FOR DISLIKING THE PARADE!!!!! Screw me, then. It's a stupid parade, but I do, however, love the city and it's charm. The parade, I can live without. Thankfully, I do.
But, it's New Year's. Time for the resolute among us to waddle into the local fitness facility, bound and determined to work-off ten years of fat and flab in less than three months, so you can fit into that little bathing suit you wore in college. For the next six weeks or so, the fat and flabby will do their best to wade into the gym, having paid for a full year, and generally make a nuisance out of themselves, as they confuse exercise equipment with lounge chairs, stare blankly at the TV and incessantly 'clang' the weights with each moderately strenuous movement.
The effort is well-intetntioned, but the money is wasted because they don't go, and as a result, they have to buy a new bathing suit. On the plus side, we have the paying non-participants to thank for keeping our dues low, so "Thanks for not participating".
If only the Mummers would do it, too.
6 comments:
I have been with Mrs Duck for 3 years now and still dont get this parade. Ok, the Fancy's are cool, seems like they put alot of work into there stuff. But WHAT IS WITH THE CLOWNS? or whatever they are called that come down befor the Fancy's?? If I wanted to see a bunch of Emimem impersonators stomping a camera man while drunk, I would well, want some one to find me a rubber room, because I must be nuts.
I bought myself an early "present" to the local fat farm, as the scale was increasingly screaming obscenities at me..(: I however, leave those strange things I don't understand, alone, and focus on the treadmill. I also don't wear any "musical equipment" when I'm treading...as I'm afraid it'll go through my ear and puncture my brain when I fall off the treadmill after 5 exhaustive minutes.
Bathing Suit? I'd be happy just to fit in my damn bathrobe again!!
But my soul (flab comes free) for just one trip up there to sink my teeth into a real Philly cheesesteak sandwich....
sparky: The "Comics" come out before the Fancy's. It looks like a disshevled mess to me, but I suppose it has some sort of neighborhood charm.
future: You're right to get to the treadmill first. You need to get your metabolic rate going again. That's part of the reason we gain weight as we age.
Stick with it. Quitting is easy, and nothing worthwhile ever comes easily.
I don't get the headphone thing, either. Half the time it sounds like a herd of bees in their head. Concentrate on what you're doing.
Happy New Year Anthony. Just wanted to get that out-incase I don't see ya.
HA! Like that's ever gonna happen. I'm here everyday.
I'll see you tomorrow. Same place. Same time. Ok, maybe not the same time.
Oh lovely. They allowed the women to participate in their crappy parade. These uppity women. I hear they even want to own land now. Better take away their birth control!!
F-ing patriarchy!!
LOL to what Pam said. I used to cover the Federal Courts beat when I worked for newspapers, and those pompous ass fed judges did NOT allow ANY women in the courtroom unless they were wearing SKIRTS or DRESSES. Pigs.
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