Making You Aware of the Obvious

In case you were not aware, that is a giant, inflatable colon that apparently tours the country, much in the same way that Britney Spears does.

Since I am sure you have always wanted to walk through a giant simulated colon (who hasn't?) you should hit up their web site and find out when The Super Colon is coming to your town and take the day off from work to take a stool ... er ... stroll.
And no, Super Colon is not a good name for a super hero.

The point is, I think I'm up to here (pointing at my throat) with the Awareness Weeks, Months and Days that have been anointed to bring us into closer contact with various diseases and conditions with which we would otherwise be totally unaware - or so they say.

By my unofficial count, there are more "Awareness Weeks" than there are actual weeks. They include Lightning Safety Awareness Week, Brain Awareness Week and Sky Awareness Week. Aren't we all aware of the sky? How is it commemorated? Stand around outside and stare up. Now you are aware of the sky. That seems to work in contrast to Brain Awareness, which should, for some people, occupy more than a week of their year.

It is April, in case you were not aware, and April is Rape Awareness Month. OK, now what? It is also Alcohol Awareness Month. I am aware. It is Mathematics Awareness Month. I can add. It is Autism Awareness Month. I don't have a joke for that. It also celebrates Counseling Awareness Month. If I was in counseling, I think I would be aware of it. I really don't know what I am supposed to do. I am already aware of all of those things. Most of them, including Mathematics, are horrible.

The rest of the year, you can add to the list: Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Prostate Cancer Awareness Month, Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month and Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month. Is anybody not aware of breast cancer by now? I really just want my doctor to be aware of it.
Here are some things that I would like people to be aware of that seemed to have slipped by. Pick a day, week or month of your choice and celebrate with me:

I'M BEHIND YOU IN LINE AWARENESS - Check behind you. While you're writing your check and waiting for the cashier to bag your junk, I'm waiting.

MY REAR BUMPER AWARENESS - I've checked, and it is visible from the road. Why don't you realize how close you are?
BAD BREATH AWARENESS - You're standing very close and you stink. The amount one stinks is directly proportional to how close they want to stand to me.

CELL PHONE AWARENESS - Pick something and be made aware of it. Your loud stupid ring tone, you're talking too loud or turn your phone off when you are away from your desk.
TURN SIGNAL AWARENESS - It's that thing sticking out of the left side of your steering column. Put your cell phone down and use it.
MEN TALKING ABOUT DANCING WITH THE STARS AWARENESS - Whether you know it or not, you sound gay. Not that there's anything wrong with it. OK, the girls on the show are hotties, but once you stop talking about that and move on to the dancing part, you're out. The "I watch it with my wife" excuse is unacceptable damage control.
LONG-DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP AWARENESS - Don't be a jackass and try to maintain a relationship with someone who is a time zone away. Anybody further away than a 2-hour car ride is out of bounds. I'm enacting LDR Awareness Life as a constant reminder for myself.

RECYCLE BIN AWARENESS - Get the Goddamned copy paper out of the trash can. The recycle bin is right next to the copier.
SINGING WHILE WEARING HEADPHONES AWARENESS - Just stop.

SINGING ALONG AT CONCERTS AWARENESS - People should be made aware so that they can stop. I didn't pay 75 bucks to hear the guy next to me sing "So Much to Say".
I BLOG TOO MUCH AWARENESS - That should begin immediately for me. These things should have a time limit on per day usage.
PARTY INCOMPETENCE AWARENESS DAY- That's November 8, 2008.