Weather or Not

The local weather people have been waiting for this for months. It's been so warm around here that they haven't had any excitement in their lives. But that's changing. It's a good thing they wear dark suits, because I bet they have stiffies as big as antenna towers - except for Cecily - her nipples are hard.

Why?

THE SNOW IS COMING! Finally. After months of unseasonably warm weather in Philadelphia, the groundhogs are seeing their shadows and the snowstorm is coming! Probably.

On Friday night's 11 o'clock news, channel 10 had the word SNOWSTORM! (with exclamation point) in its forecast for Tuesday. Meanwhile, the storm was still forming off the coast of California, but the computer models were telling them to add the exclamation points. A bit extreme, I thought.

Now, the forecasts are a bit less dire. There's a line of demarcation now. Most of the horrible snow will occur west of Philadelphia (as it usually does) while the rest of us get the freezing rain. However, that doesn't stop them from trying to scare us into running to The Home Depot for bags of salt and shovels.

Over on channel 6, the cartoon is telling me that there's a Major Messy Mix of some sort coming. I really wish they wouldn't use those technical terms. I'm not a scientist! Good thing the little guy is bundled up. What are his eyes attached to?
Luckily, the guy in the suit (with his eyes attached to his head) is also saying major mix.

The 6abc.com logo is covering up his snow-stiffy. It's there, though. Trust me on this.

All of these wonderful forecasts will be followed by scenes of salt trucks getting ready for the onslaught on Monday night's programs. Then, we'll be treated to video of anxious shoppers at local grocery stores stocking-up on eggs, milk and bread. When it snows in the Delaware Valley, we get an uncontrollable urge to make French Toast.

The big chain hardware stores will run out of shovels and salt. And, hey ... where are all those people who bought the snow blowers last year? For the money you spent, you could have gotten blown for real, and enjoyed it a lot more.

It's all part of February ratings sweeps, and the TV news guys are happy to scare us into thinking that the world is coming to an end. They're not all that concerned that they may be causing a mild panic in the streets, as long as we tune in for the latest forecast.