Fat Kids and Cable Guys

There I am, Sunday night. The venerable 60 Minutes TV show is running an interview with that Larry the Cable Guy. He's one of those examples of the old saying that "no one ever lost money underestimating the intelligence of the general public". Doug Stanhope hates his guts. He can't get through a show without someone yelling "Git 'R' Done!" - even though it isn't Stanhope's line, and besides, what's the point?

Anyway ... I'm watching this interview with Bob Simon, and two things strike me. One is that his stage voice is a put-on. He's from Nebraska, born and reared, and while he speaks with a bit of a drawl, it isn't nearly as affected as the voice he uses on stage. Do you know anyone from Nebraska that talks like that? I suppose we could accept it as an "act", but I've never been one to buy into the act, whether it's that Yakov Smirnoff (who I figure is a total fraud, but his fifteen minutes were up a long time ago) or that Borat guy, who's just a pain in the ass, plain and simple. As you could imagine, Larry isn't even his real name. It's Dan Whitney. But I guess Dan the Cable Guy ... wait ... he's not a cable guy either? Right.

So, OK, I'll accept the fact that he's a midwesterner playing South and the whole deal is a put-on - get over it. Then, the interview gets around to discussing his management team, and what the guy makes for an appearance.
Sit down, unless you have a fully paid health care program.

The guy takes in between ... wait for it ... $250,000 and $300,000 per appearance. Per appearance. That's what he makes per appearance. Did I make it clear? Per appearance. Running his mouth for an hour and telling those dopey jokes. A quarter of a million per night. Now, I really don't get it. His agent was lamenting the fact that Larry used to earn a paltry $5,000 a night before he found the Cable Guy golden egg. That's a shame. It's nice to see he's finally made something out of himself.
Anyway, nice going Larry - er, umm - Dan. Whether or not I miss the point, I suppose millions of Americans can't be wrong - or can they?

Meanwhile..
Suburban Sprawl is working on your kids, too.

A view of a neighborhood in the town of Superior, Colorado, a Denver suburb. U.S. children who live in expansive suburbs may start to pay for it with expansive waistlines, new research suggests.

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - U.S. children who live in expansive suburbs may start to pay for it with expansive waistlines, new research suggests. Using data from a national health survey, researchers found that teenagers living in sprawling suburbs were more than twice as likely to be overweight as teens in more compact urban areas.

Since they have to be driven everywhere, and find walking to be a bit of a chore, junior's ass is getting rounder, but Dr. Reid Ewing of the University of Maryland has a solution:

In communities where it's not possible for children to walk to school, or where they don't even have sidewalks to use, parents may need to make an effort to help their kids get active, according to Ewing. "Get them away from the TV and get them into sports or some organized activity," he suggested.

Good luck, doc. Where I live, the school bus stops every fifty feet to pick up another kid. Apparently, there's a law against making a kid walk a block to get the bus (let alone walk to school) so the bus stops at every house. Fix the rules before you fix the kids.
In other places, Physical Education programs are being trimmed or cut altogether, so even if the kids get to school, they aren't doing anything but sitting on their asses all day.
Then, they get home and tune in the iPod, Play Station 3, Internet or God forbid the TV for 10 hours a day. These aren't my numbers, folks.

You can blame trans fats, fast food or TV if you want, but maybe it's as simple as our declining lifestyle? After all, where were the fitness centers 30 years ago, when we were kids? A gym was a place where they played basketball and volleyball. Now, we go there for exercise classes - and we're still fat. Go figure.
Every new thing that comes along is designed to make our lives easier, and relegate our movements to pushing a button or watching something. Kids would rather play Fantasy Football than real football. Walk somewhere? You must be out of your mind. I watch cars circle parking lots for fifteen minutes looking for a parking spot, when they could just as easily use the first one they see and walk to the door.

It's a constant struggle for kids and adults, and the way things are going, it won't get any easier. The next time you drop your kids off someplace, try leaving them about a block from where they're going, and check the look you get when you ask them to walk.
The next voice you hear will be your local Child Abuse Prevention Hotline representative.