This is Why I'm Still Single

This ridiculous story from London showed up on Yahoo today, purportedly giving eligible (desperate) men everywhere the keys to unlocking the hearts of eligible (desperate) women everywhere.

LONDON (Reuters) - "Was your father a thief? Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes." Equipped with that chat-up line, you can be certain to score in the universal language of love. So say the authors of a new top 10 of chat-up lines which have been translated from English into Czech, French, Italian, Spanish and German by the publishers Chambers.
If their top-rated suggestion does not have the desired effect, then try in one of six languages to say: "Didn't it hurt when you fell from heaven?"
Or maybe: "You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day."
Scraping in at Number 10 in the romance parade comes "The only things your eyes haven't told me is your name."

Oy.

Alright, so I'll be certain to score in the universal language of love, eh? That's a relief. Here, I've been trying to do it the uncertain way by being a gentleman and making genuine conversation. What a goof! All I need are those ten simple phrases, and you're all putty in my hands. I feel much better now.

That may be true if I was aiming low, but I have a feeling that any woman who fell for one of those dopey lines probably wouldn't be worth knowing anyway. However, my field may be narrowed by the language barrier (not to mention the mental and physical barriers), so perhaps a change of tone might work?

Maybe if I tried the "heaven" line in Portugese? Não fez machuca quando caiu de céu? Or Italian: Ha fatto non ha doluto quando lei è caduto dal cielo? Too complicated.

Maybe I'll just stick with my old stand-by: "Pardon me, but I seem to have lost my Congressional Medal of Honor around here somewhere." I don't know how to say it in Spanish, so I may be missing something.

Girls, I implore you, help a brotha out!